it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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