ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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