the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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