Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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