OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.