so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance