HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????