I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.