Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know