I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.