so let's talk penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.