I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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