dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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