my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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