his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
