would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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