I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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