Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
