omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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