Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
