Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
