I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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