When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
