I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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