I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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