if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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