I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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