sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
