This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
