Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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