we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
