I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
