the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
