That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
