oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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