you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize