dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
