my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize