Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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