Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
