i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
