I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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