Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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