Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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  (703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. http://tfl.nu/qie0
  Replies (2) Good night (1364) Bad night (463)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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  (580): I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite. http://tfl.nu/hgau
  Replies (12) Good night (744) Bad night (2548)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

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  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (32) Good night (8497) Bad night (861)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

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  (610): aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors http://tfl.nu/o36o
  Replies (15) Good night (5071) Bad night (1627)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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  (908): don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..." http://tfl.nu/9x9f
  Replies (16) Good night (1986) Bad night (3714)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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  (708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02
  Replies (21) Good night (7025) Bad night (917)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself

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  (204): Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself http://tfl.nu/03x0
  Replies (9) Good night (1011) Bad night (3643)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.

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  (641): I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women. (515): That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage. http://tfl.nu/mozw
  Replies (5) Good night (2291) Bad night (899)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2602) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.

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  (804): Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me. http://tfl.nu/bct9
  Replies (4) Good night (1155) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?

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  (613): Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you? http://tfl.nu/o3d1
  Replies (4) Good night (1625) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...

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  (704): He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was... http://tfl.nu/35ga
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.

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  (334): He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird. http://tfl.nu/8c4b
  Replies (3) Good night (222) Bad night (390)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"

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  (601): I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny" http://tfl.nu/qm08
  Replies (2) Good night (320) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat

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  (717): Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat http://tfl.nu/0lcr
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (193)

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