So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
