Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

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  (530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake http://tfl.nu/i8af
  Replies (27) Good night (1447) Bad night (555)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter

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  (914): Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter http://tfl.nu/3hf7
  Replies (128) Good night (2643) Bad night (3856)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.

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  (940): You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have. http://tfl.nu/bqro
  Replies (15) Good night (1213) Bad night (2580)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

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  (507): You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone http://tfl.nu/s3uu
  Replies (7) Good night (5217) Bad night (563)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this weekend will be like the season finale to my life

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  (859): this weekend will be like the season finale to my life http://tfl.nu/589p
  Replies (22) Good night (4127) Bad night (889)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (1001) Bad night (7046)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

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  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1640) Bad night (5212)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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  (509): You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed. http://tfl.nu/gs8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1239) Bad night (911)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.

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  (908): I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background. http://tfl.nu/p2h3
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing

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  (631): he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing http://tfl.nu/xi7n
  Replies (10) Good night (1799) Bad night (1164)
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  (716): View more from New York

  and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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  (716): and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt http://tfl.nu/qzo4
  Replies (12) Good night (662) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....

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  (209): Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage.... http://tfl.nu/5in8
  Replies (2) Good night (806) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.

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  (410): I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid. http://tfl.nu/ggrs
  Replies (4) Good night (1259) Bad night (416)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth

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  (956): One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth http://tfl.nu/vmxy
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please

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  (831): if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please http://tfl.nu/sfv9
  Replies (11) Good night (1383) Bad night (581)

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