Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.

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  (856): take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month. http://tfl.nu/ebzl
  Replies (23) Good night (848) Bad night (4230)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1682) Bad night (3351)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

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  (207): Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night..... (617): I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11 http://tfl.nu/wa6u
  Replies (36) Good night (7676) Bad night (1480)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

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  (727): and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go. http://tfl.nu/b20y
  Replies (37) Good night (10162) Bad night (1257)
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  (949): View more from California

  I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

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  (949): I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar. http://tfl.nu/limh
  Replies (8) Good night (4681) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

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  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (8318) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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  (512): apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/xowh
  Replies (13) Good night (1528) Bad night (4230)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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  (606): Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley.. http://tfl.nu/q4d8
  Replies (13) Good night (3436) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?

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  (716): I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle? http://tfl.nu/vxb0
  Replies (15) Good night (1105) Bad night (3478)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground

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  (208): We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground http://tfl.nu/1ixq
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (1850)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

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  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
  Replies (10) Good night (5151) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof

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  (832): The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof http://tfl.nu/eyc5
  Replies (7) Good night (2553) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.

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  (972): I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants. http://tfl.nu/algc
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.

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  (301): Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging. http://tfl.nu/m3cv
  Replies (7) Good night (1601) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  ...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over

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  (423): ...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over http://tfl.nu/31vp
  Replies (10) Good night (378) Bad night (853)

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