I will die if light touches me.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
