I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
