Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
