Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
