the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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