I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
