Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
