Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
