Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i love accidental penises.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
