Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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