The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
