Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
