When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.