I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways