Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me