i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.