He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.