So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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