yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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