Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
