Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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