Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
