I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
