Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
