idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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