could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
