actually, I'm a sock model
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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