hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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