i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
