how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
