i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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