Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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